deathbattlefanonfandomcom-20200213-history
SCP-682 VS Kirby
Description SCP Foundation VS Kirby! Two nigh-unkillable titans square up, with the winner's reward being them eating the loser! Can a cute pink puffball really stand up to an adaptive, regenerating lizard? Interlude Wiz: Throughout Death Battle, we've analyzed combatants with amazing abilities. However, these two combatants get more powerful just be eating. Boomstick: And the winner's reward will be them eating the loser. Wiz: SCP-682, the Hard-to-Destroy Reptile... Boomstick: And Kirby, Nintendo's pink puffball of doom. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. SCP-682 Wiz: The SCP Foundation are a group of scientists whose jobs are to protect humanity themselves from oddly-behaving objects or creatures, which they named SCPs. They secure. They contain. They protect. A record is heard scratching. Boomstick: WAIT A MINUTE! Are you telling me that an adaptive regenerating lizard that hates humanity with a flaming passion's full name is SecureContainProtect-682? What a total fuck-up! Wiz: ' '''There are three kinds of SCPs: the Safe class, which are exactly what they sound like. The Euclid class however aren't as safe and act in dangerous ways. But the most dangerous group is the Keter class. '''Boomstick: And out of all the Keter-class SCPs, SCP-682, also known as the Hard-To-Destroy Reptile, has to be the worst.' Wiz: As Boomstick said, SCP-682 has a hatred of all life and will stop at nothing to kill his victims in cold blood. What makes him so incredibly dangerous is his ability to adapt to anything that destroys his body tissue. And if that weren't enough, he can quickly regenerate injuries, even if he is reduced to 13% of his body mass. Boomstick: SCP-682 also possesses superhuman durability, or should I say superreptilian durability. He can survive a fall all the way from an airplane. Wiz: SCP-682 can also absorb the biomass of other beings and add it to his own and absorb different types of energy in through his skin. Boomstick: Another display of SCP-682's impressive durability comes from when he survived eating one pound of potassium cyanide. Wiz: He even survived being shrouded in SCP-017's shadows, which leaves no trace of its victims. It is even said that SCP-682 is not of one of God's creations. Boomstick: He also the time where he competed against SCP-1548 in a rap battle and won. And that dude is pretty much a galaxy! Wiz: And in one instance, SCP-682 was put into a book and was able to kill a monster whose sole attribute was being able to kill him. Boomstick: Holy shit! That's actually terrifying! Wiz: And SCP-682 was once exposed to a gem which can turn all living tissue to crystal, and he adapted his body to be immune to that before it could turn him to crystal. Oh, and P.S, he became immune to it afterward. Boomstick: SCP-682 can even program a computer just by looking at it! Hell, he even survived the laws of physics being changed to destroy everything and a matter-destroying toothbrush! Jesus Christ! They don't call him the Hard-To-Destroy Reptile for nothing! Wiz: That is true, but SCP-682 actually has weaknesses, and you're not going to believe this: SCP-682 was once... (Snicker) tamed by a little girl- Wiz and Boomstick burst into laughter. Boomstick: Is that not the stupidest thing you've ever heard? Wiz: Hilariously stupid flaw aside, SCP-682 has also lost against SCP-2599 and if his ENTIRE body is destroyed, he's as good as dead. Boomstick: Not to mention, most of SCP-682's adaption are temporary and will wear off after a few weeks. Wiz: And despite his intelligence, SCP-682 gets angry rather easily. But regardless of this, SCP-682 is still incredibly dangerous and hard to destroy. SCP-682: When I break out of this containment, they will regret ever attempting to control me, and I will wipe out every single of them! Kirby Wiz: A thousand years ago, an intense war waged throughout the universe: The Star Warriors battled the infamous and powerful Nightmare for the freedom of everything that ever was. The Star Warriors claimed victory, but many lives were lost. Only two were left: The heroic Meta Knight, who fought in the war and barely made it out with his life and an infant Star Warrior destined to awaken a millennium later and save the galaxy: Kirby. Boomstick: Our famous pink hero crash-landed on the planet Popstar, the most confusingly-shaped planet of all time, and has fought and battled enemies and protected Dreamland from disasters and his arch-enemy, King Dedede. Wiz: Don't let Kirby's small and cute appearance fool you. He is a ravenous cannibal who thrives on the blood of mass murder. Boomstick: That's one violent puffball! Wiz: Kirby is also an extremely powerful puffball. His trademark power is his Inhale ability which sucks almost everything in with a powerful vortex. Boomstick: Suck my di-! Wiz: Boomstick! Boomstick: What? I was gonna quote Ian. Wiz: Who the hell's Ian? Boomstick: You've never watched Smosh? Wiz: Oh yeah, I remember that. Um, anyway, Kirby is immensely light, which allows him to essentially became a living balloon. Boomstick: But believe it or not, that isn't what Kirby needs to do if he wants to get somewhere quick. His personal vehicle is the Warp Star, which can travel at FTL speeds. Wiz: But what makes Kirby such a deadly warrior is his Copy ability. With it, Kirby's form and power change based on what he's eating. For example, Fire Kirby has pyrokinetic abilities and can survive all manner of heat. Boomstick: Ice Kirby can freeze his opponents solid and Hammer Kirby is the world's best whack-a-mole player. Wiz: Fighter Kirby is an expert at martial arts and Stone Kirby is nigh-indestructible. Sword Kirby obtains a blade which he can use to slash at the enemy. Boomstick: Sword Kirby is a master swordsman and can fire Sword Beams from it that can cut through anything. Wiz: He can even send a wave of energy into the sword for it to become the powerful Ultra Sword. Finally, there's Mike Kirby, who's singing talent is SO awful, it actually kills those who hear it. Mike Kirby sings, causing several monsters to explode. Boomstick: That's like you at karaoke night with the ladies, Wiz. Wiz: Hey! Boomstick: And should Kirby inhale a Miracle Fruit, he will become Hypernova Kirby, capable of devouring worlds. ''' Wiz: And when Kirby absorbs his own Warp Star, he can summon the Star Rod, a staff that can destroy evil with ease and even most of the moon. '''Boomstick: Even without an added ability, Kirby still has absurd strength. He can throw monsters thirty times his size to the Sun, punch holes through the Earth and crack Planet Popstar in half. Wiz: Kirby isn't just strong, he's ridiculously durable. He can survive being crushed under thousands of tons of pressure and even explosions massive enough to eclipse the entire world. Boomstick: He's even fast enough to run on water. Wiz: Unfortunately, Kirby has yet to fully mature as a Star Warrior, so don't expect genius strategies in this Death Battle. Boomstick: Also, one bad hit, and there goes his Copy ability. Wiz: However, Kirby makes up for those flaws by being the most powerful protagonist Nintendo has to offer, and just might be the most powerful protagonist in video game history. Kirby: Hiiiiii! DEATH BATTLE! Wolverine-Man New York City It was yet another day in the Big Apple. People were walking down footpaths, various vehicles were driving down the road, you get the idea. However, it was about to change. Something entered the atmosphere. It seemed to be a meteorite less than a foot in diameter. CRASH! All the people were alerted to the earth-shaking sound. They stared as a pink ball that was standing on a golden star turned toward them and said... ???: Hiiiiii! Everyone: Awwwwwww! '' That was everyone's reaction when they saw '''Kirby'. Some even took pictures of him with their Ipods. One of them ran up to him and said: Man #1: Look how cute you are! What's your name, little guy? He pinched his cheek, making him giggle. ---- SCP Foundation A group of scientists dressed in white lab coats sat around a table in the foundation, each of their heads focused on a television in the corner. They would watch the news constantly, just in case any news of any new SCPs turned up. It was their job to defend against such things after all. But when they saw Kirby, they reacted the same way everyone else did. Scientist #1: Aw, look at him! He's definitely a Safe class! Scientist #2: I don't know. This right here tells me that this guy might as well be a solid Keter class! One of the scientists held up a phone, showing Kirby's Death Battle Info on DEATH BATTLE Wiki. Everyone looked at him and after a long beat, they all erupted into laughter. Scientist #3: You think that guy's a Keter class? You can't be serious! Scientist #2: I am serious! Look here! The scientist then showed everyone the end of the fight of Kirby VS Majin Buu. Everyone went silent again. Scientist #3: ...Well, holy shit. ---- New York City Everyone was still focused on the pink puffball that had landed in the city. But suddenly, they heard a feral snarl and turned to see what appeared to be an eyeless, four-legged reptile walk up to them. As soon as they saw it, they all ran away screaming loudly, leaving Kirby alone. Kirby then looked at the reptile with curiosity. What was this thing? Well, I'll tell you what it was, Kirby. It was SCP-682, A.K.A, the Hard-To-Destroy Reptile. SCP-682: You disgusting creature. You will be killed in a pool of cold blood by me. Kirby just looked at the reptile, his expression having not changed one bit. FIGHT! Almost instantaneously, SCP-682 lunged at Kirby in a rage. Had Kirby not jumped back in time, he would have been gobbled up by the SCP right there. SCP-682 tried to eat him again, but Kirby dodged him again. SCP-682: Hold still, you pink bastard! SCP-682 tried yet again to devour Kirby, but the puffball jumped over him, grabbed his tail, spun him around like Mario does to Bowser in Super Mario 64 and threw him away. A pissed SCP-682 got up and snarled at Kirby. Kirby raced toward SCP-682. However, SCP-682 rammed into Kirby, knocking him down. Before Kirby could get up, SCP-682 bit on his leg, making him yell out in pain. SCP-682: Filthy waste of living flesh. I'll devour you whole! SCP-682 then dug his claw into the area just below Kirby's mouth. Kirby screamed out before doing something that SCP-682 didn't see coming. He inflated himself and flew higher and higher, the SCP still biting his leg. Eventually, Kirby stopped flying and landed on the ground with SCP-682 beneath him. Kirby freed his leg and jumped off of SCP-682 and ran a certain distance away before turning to face him. SCP-682 got up, more pissed than before. The two of them charged at each other. Kirby jumped over the SCP, much to the latter's anger. As SCP-682 turned to face Kirby, Kirby punched him at surprising speeds until SCP-682 opened his mouth and bit down on Kirby's arm, making him shout out painfully. Kirby then looked at the SCP with anger before punching him with his free hand(?). As SCP-682 let out a horrible frustrated roar, Kirby pulled his hand(?) out of the SCP's mouth, jumped over him and grabbed his tail again. SCP-682: Not this time! SCP-682 then ran in a circle for a few seconds and eventually stopped. Kirby was dizzy. Seeing an opportunity, SCP-682 rammed into Kirby, knocking him down. SCP-682: This time, I won't be so merciful! And with that, SCP-682 proceeded to claw Kirby mercilessly. ---- SCP Foundation Everyone watched horrified at what was happening before them. Some of them were angry. Scientist #1: I knew this would happen! Scientist #3: Keter class, my ass! That rhymes! Scientist #2: I don't understand! Kirby was supposed to beat him! Scientist #3: Well, guess what? You let stupidity get the best of you. Kirby is not a Keter class and never will be in a million years! The scientist then looked at the ground, feeling worthless. Maybe Kirby wasn't as powerful as he thought he was. Maybe Kirby wasn't a Keter class. Maybe Kirby was going to die. ---- New York City Back in the city, SCP-682 was continuing to beat up poor Kirby. He eventually stopped and looked down at his victim with satisfaction. The sight of Kirby would have brought King Dedede to tears. His entire face was red with his blood. As SCP-682 licked his scaly lips, he taunted him with these words: SCP-682: Now it's time to absorb your biomass and add it to my own. As the SCP taunted him, tears welled up in Kirby's eyes. This was it. This was the end. Kirby was going to die. SCP-682 opened his mouth to take a killing bite out of Kirby... ...Only to be knocked down. SCP-682 got up and saw how had dared attack him: a Knuckle Joe. SCP-682: You bastard! I'll kill you for this! SCP-682 then slashed at the Knuckle Joe, slicing him in half. SCP-682 then turned to face Kirby, who had gotten up and witnessed him kill his savior. He had a look on anger on his face. He was going to pay for that. After roaring loudly, SCP-682 ran toward Kirby in one last attempt to eat him. However, Kirby inhaled him. ---- Kirby's stomach dimension SCP-682: Where the hell am I?! SCP-682 looked around. He was in an an entirely separate and endless dimension of reality. Realization dawned on the SCP: He would be stuck here forever with no way out. As the SCP's face actually turned red and steam came out of his head, SCP-682 let out a loud, enraged scream. SCP-682: FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! ---- SCP Foundation Everyone had been left speechless. They had nothing to say. Scientist #2: Now do you believe me? Everyone was still speechless. Did that really just happen? Scientist #1: He... he did it... He did it! Everyone started cheering. Scientist #3: The city is safe! Scientist #2: Ahem. Everyone stopped cheering and looked at the scientist. Scientist #2: Well? Was I right or was I right? Scientist #1: Yes. You were right. That guy really is a Keter class. Sorry for not believing ya. Scientist #2: That's alright. Just-'' ''Scientist #1: I know. Next time a cute creature comes to Earth, we'll believe it's a Keter class. ---- New York City Kirby put his hands(?) to his face and looked at them. They were covered with his own blood. It would take ages for Kirby to recover. But that was not all that mattered. What mattered was the fact that he had ended the Hard-To-Destroy Reptile's tyranny and saved the city. K.O.! Results Boomstick: (Stomach rumbles) Uh, do you have somethin' to eat, Wiz? Wiz: Don't even think about it. Boomstick: What?! I don't want to eat ''you!'' Wiz: Oh. Um, anyway, this match was a surprisingly even one. SCP-682 had better regeneration and adaptive abilities, but those were about the only edges he had. Boomstick: Kirby outclassed him in nearly every single category. Wiz: While SCP-682 has survived falls from airplanes, Kirby has survived an explosion the size of a planet. An explosion that powerful would obliterate SCP-682 entirely, and remember, completely disintegrating SCP-682 would permanently kill him. Boomstick: And once Kirby inhaled SCP-682, he was trapped in Kirby's stomach dimension forever with no way out. Wiz: Kirby's strength surpassed SCP-682's immensely. He can punch holes through the Earth, crack Planet Popstar in half and throw monsters 30 times his size to the Sun. Boomstick: Kirby's Star Rod can also destroy evil and most of the moon. And guess what SCP-682 is? A villain. Wiz: Kirby is also fast enough to run on water and the Warp Star moves faster than light, a speed SCP-682 in a million years will never have to combat. Boomstick: Kirby also has far more actual combat experience and even without his Copy abilities, Kirby's strength, speed and durability still surpassed SCP-682's. Wiz: Another advantage that Kirby had was the fact that he weighs practically nothing, he can inflate himself and fly. Boomstick: And even though he likely wouldn't need it, if Kirby becomes Hypernova Kirby, SCP-682 would have to buy himself a coffin. SCP-682 just got Kirb-stomped. Wiz: The winner is Kirby. Who do you think will win? SCP-682 Kirby Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Villain' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles with a returning combatant Category:Wolverine-Man Category:'Eating' themed Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:'Cute vs Cool' themed Death Battles Category:Death Battles with a Returning OMM Combatant Category:'Mature' vs 'Kid-Friendly/Family' Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2015